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love nd hate

well im typeing about her agin lol she thinks its so easy  tht she can tlk to me about this new gf and everythin when she knows i stil love her telling times tht thy spent and everything ts not easy i love her but i hate her so bad right now im sorry for wishing tht i could be happy but once agin her happyness comes frist but is it bad to wish i could frist for oncee who ks

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what should i do

im not the type of person to put my personal stuff on her hell half the stuff on her are just for my x she wanted it so i did it for her. well were to begin in the beging of this week on monday many things had happen ud think oh idk good things no its all  been well  i lost a friend over something stupid i couldnt retrun her feeling so i said no she stop tlking to me then i lost an old friend of my longest one before kingarden i was deleted off everything i was block she change her number all bc i said i understand y her boyfriend left her then i have thos chest pains more and more it gettin to the point were i cant breath half the time then my gf left me for a girl after she promised she never leave me or cheate on me agin it broke my heart even more i felt it break i cryed for almost an hr then a cusin got a rumor handed to them and i los t half my famly im still trying to fix tht i lost so much and i went to go see the doctor why i was caughing up blood go figur im still waiting for thos dame test results i swear ima die bc of tos bastereds (figur of speech i dont think its tht bad just cauching to much) then i got bck with my girl i thought mayby itll be over with nope today its me she left me agin and shes gonna see her i can imagen all the things ther gonna do and it breaks my heart more and all she can say is she loves me but likes her what the fuck i shuld be the one ur with then i hate my lifeall i want to do is cry and just die but i cant bc i want to be happy every month its the same every year its the same i really hope itll change since i got my own place this year but ig not